What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
