mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
