Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
