somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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