I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
