there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
