is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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