I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
