Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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