Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
