i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
