in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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