I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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