Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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