Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
