IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
