Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
