my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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