I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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