just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
