I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
