dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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