so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
