so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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