I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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