to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
