Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
