God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
