It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
