and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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