Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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