She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
