by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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