It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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