And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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