I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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