how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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