you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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