It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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