it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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