the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
