So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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