she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
