So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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