I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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