If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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