i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
