i jhust puked up my retainher.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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