When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
