Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
