the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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