i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
