Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
