My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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