The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
