you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
