he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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