I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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