hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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