I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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