There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
