Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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