The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
